Being emotional about being emotional.

Mental health issues are everywhere at the moment and it's amazing to see people opening up about needing help or just being honest about not being happy. It's something to be looked at when a lot of my friends have had experiences with anti-depressants, anxiety issue and much worse, but there are also many more who still don't want to talk.

Vice did an amazing article on the stiff upper lip killing British men, and I don't think there's an article more relatable. Those who know me will be aware of how i'm more than happy to complain about the 65 hours a week I work, or something stupid someone said, but I don't think anyone's heard me say "I feel sad today" when over the past six months this is something I've wanted to say more and more.

I grew up with the mentality that talking about emotions made me come across as weak and saying how I feel was just being a "crazy girl". Pretty fucked up right? Fucked up when saying how you feel always results in things be 1000x better. My point is I still don't talk about how I feel. I get super embarrassed and vulnerable whenever I say what's on my mind. I sit and think about how weak I am for being unable to handle my own emotions. I have a horrible relationship with food to the point I can't control myself. I have zero motivation to do anything that will better my life such as exercise, when I know it actively improves my physical and mental health, not to mention general confidence. I spend all my money on taxis and take-aways because it means I can be in bed for longer as that's where I want to be. My horrible self-loathing of not being good enough has meant that I don't even bother improving myself because I still won't be good enough.

The point in me writing this is to say that I'm probably not fine, but I'm doing okay.